The Road To Redemption

December 01, 2015  •  Leave a Comment

Temet Nosce

 

"Know Thyself" (Latin)

The key to finding a purpose and fulfillment in life begins with knowing and understanding yourself. We are each born with this knowledge but finding a purpose and achieving fulfillment requires the sharing of knowledge, wisdom, and support. Each individual contains specific truths that should be shared with those we meet through nothing less than fate... (from Michael Dae)

 

For the last 18 months I have been lost. Not like missing on the side of a milk carton, lost (I'm really dating myself. Seriously, when have you seen someone missing on a milk carton?), but mentally lost. 

 

I was searching for something. Wealth, love, happiness, an new beginning? Who knows? I certainly didn't. The only thing I knew was that I wanted a change and I tried anything to make it happen. Unfortunately, during the process, I hurt many people, numerous times. Including myself. But I didn't care. I was a horrible person who was only concerned about my satisfaction at the moment. Sadly,  that is usually about how long that satisfaction lasted. 

 

Red Lipstick - Black Stockings - Bare Naked Ass - Curvy Girl BoudoirRed Lipstick - Black Stockings - Bare Naked Ass - Curvy Girl BoudoirCurvy plus size woman posing in a classy glamour photo wearing red lip stick, black high heel shoes, and black thigh high stockings with a garter belt showing her bare naked booty

 

If I couldn't find what I needed from you, I would go to someone that could provide it. I was a true asshole. I didn't care, as long as I was content for a day or two I was good. 

 

My behavior never really sat well with me. I hated myself. I tried to convince myself that what I was doing was acceptable and that no one is being hurt from my wrong doings. It that was a lie and I believed it everyday. Truth is, everyone was hurting, including myself. 

 

I neglected everything that once mattered to me. I thought I was on top of the world, but was too blind to see that I was barely surviving. I didn't give my kids the attention they needed, I completely forgot about my photography business. Think I had like 3 or 4 posts to my blog in the last 18 months, and those were all forced just so I could appear to be relevant. 

 

Every morning I woke up, I hated myself. I felt as if I was living a lie but thats what I had to do to continue. At this point I felt there was no turning back and had to accept my fate. 

 

Everything in life happens for a reason and has a purpose. There is nothing accidental or coincidental. There is no such thing as luck or chance. This is my kismet.

 

Nothing mattered to me. I lived day to day and accepted whatever hand I was dealt for the day. It was horrible. I was once someone who planned things out months in advance, but turned into a person who lived for the moment. This was very difficult on my mind. 

 

I was searching for an answer. Everyday. Regardless of how many times I failed, one day I believed I would succeed. 

 

That moment hit at the absolute lowest point I have ever felt in my life. My eyes finally opened. At last, I could see what I was blinded by before. The answer. I was so clear. 

 

I had to right my wrongs. 

I must to walk the road of redemption. 

 

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Today, the path is still rough. I am trying to make things smooth, but eventually it will get there. It's not an easy journey, but I know that anything is possible and I will make it happen!

 

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